I was waiting for a return post suitable for my liking. After having disappeared into the far reaches of the Internet abyss and the abyss of life for a little over two months I’ve finally figured out a suitable topic for my return.
I have Sickle Cell Anemia — a blood disorder that you’re born with and must live the entirety of your life with. How can I quit? The answer is I can never quit. Every time it strikes at me, most recently as the past few times its been in my knees, a variation of throbbing radiating pain over the entire knee and when in motion sharp pain accompanied by the restrictions of movement. All the action is happening inside my circulatory system. When the little robot blood cells are called to action against me the flatten out, acquiring jagged sides and flat grim reaper scythe shape, doing their very best to clog my arteries to cause any damage they can to my organs and as much pain to the area as possible.
This war has been going on for 22 years and 10 months. Each battle I have claimed victory, fighting back with modern medicine and the ancient remedy of water. I can never quit, nor will I ever succumb to such a sickness in our life or death disputes.
Stepping out of my internal battle I compare it to the war that I fight everyday with this path that I’ve chosen. For me, the stakes are very high — again a matter of life or death. A life filled with fun, freedom and fulfillment, free of debt, remembered and in the hearts and minds of others who I did it alongside and have helped to achieve the same for themselves. Or a slow rotting death in the hands of economic slavery, haunted by the ghosts of regret and all the lives I’ve never made a difference in, with a funeral where only ten people come to watch me be put in the ground.
I can only die if I quit and stop journeying on this path I’ve chosen externally; however, just as I cannot trade lives with someone else to get out of dealing with this sickness I’ve been born with, I cannot quit on what I know will give me life.
Written June 2, 2013